My Secret
by Night-the-Dragon
Summary: Neku's a college kid in a dorm by himself, that is, until Joshua moves in. But Neku has a secret that no one knows about, and when Joshua discovers it, he refuses to leave Neku alone. Neku tries to seclude himself from the perverted silverette, but eventually snaps when Joshua becomes too much. How will Joshua take Neku's reaction? Rated M for future content and language, yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, my first time writing a fan fiction without using Night as my POV. Let's see how I do, hmm? This is all from Neku's POV, just a heads up. Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.

My Secret

Chapter 1

"Another day, finally fucking over," I sighed as I entered my dorm, tossing my messenger bag onto the couch. Kicking my shoes off, I flopped onto my bed in my room, closing my eyes as I pulled my headphones over my ears and turned on the song Long Dream. As the music flowed through me, I sighed. Nothing to do again but try to catch up on sleep and it was only 4 in the afternoon. I needed a roommate, but no one would work.

A faint knock on the door to my dorm reached me through my music, so I sat up, turning off my music, and went to answer the door. I was surprised to see Ms. Konishi from my creative writing class standing outside my door, and she wasn't alone.

"Hello, Mr. Sakuraba," she greeted as I let her and the boy behind her in.

"Hey, Ms. Konishi," I replied, ignoring the guy behind her as I stuck my hands in my pockets. "What's up?"

"Well, I know you've been in need of a roommate for some time, and we just got a new student who was looking to dorm with someone, but the others are all full," she explained. "Neku, this is Yoshiya Kiryu, or, as he prefers to be called, Joshua." The silver-haired boy stepped out from behind her, smirking and watching me with violet eyes. Huh. That was a new one. Never seen violet eyes before.

"Nice to meet you, Neku. I'm sure we'll be wonderful roommates," Joshua greeted, holding out his hand to shake with me. I just stared at his hand until he withdrew it after a few seconds.

"Sure, whatever," I muttered, rolling my blue eyes.

"Joshua will be moving in today, seeing as the other bedroom is already furnished, and all he needs is his personal belongings," Ms. Konishi informed me. She was already used to my attitude, so she didn't bother trying to correct me. "Just don't try to kill him, alright, Neku?"

"No guarantees," I mumbled, and she sighed.

"All right, I'll leave you boys to it. See you in class tomorrow, Neku and Joshua," she said, and left. I stared after her for a moment before looking at Joshua.

"How much shit did you bring?" I asked, not really caring.

"Just everything that's in my suitcases," he replied, indicating the two suitcases behind him.

"Then start unpacking, 'cause I'm certainly not helping you," I said, turning to go to my room.

"Awww, but Nekky, I was hoping to bond with my new roommate," the silver-haired prick fake-whined. Gritting my teeth, I turned around.

"Do _not_ call me 'Nekky'," I bit out. "I swear to god, if you call me that again, I will sock you in the mouth."

"So violent, dear! I just wanted some private time with my dearest roommate is all," he giggled, and I cringed at the sound.

"Well, sorry to disappoint, but I don't care," I snapped, continuing to my room. The asshole merely giggled again before I slammed my door shut. I laid on my bed again, curling up in a ball as I let the music from my headphones wash over me. Eventually, I fell asleep.

X*X*X*X

_BZZZT! BZZZT! BZZ—_

"Alright already, I get it, I'm up!" I snarled, smashing my fist on my alarm clock to turn it off. I groaned tiredly as I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes to try to get the sleep out of them. Surprisingly, the damn alarm clock didn't break, yet again. Thankfully, it was Friday.

I swung my legs over the side of my bed and hopped out of the warmth of my blankets so I could get ready for my classes. I changed out of my clothes from yesterday and into some fresh ones, and then went out to the kitchen, where that Joshua kid was making breakfast.

"Morning, Nekky," he greeted, and I immediately responded with a smack to his arm, to which he gave an indignant yelp. "What was that for?" he whined.

"For calling me 'Nekky' again," I replied coolly. "I told you I would punch you in the mouth the next time you said it, so you got off easy this time."

"Ohhh, is Neku-dearest going soft, just for me?" he giggled, and I growled under my breath. Damn pervert.

"No, I just tend to give warnings is all," I snapped, going to the fridge for the milk. I made some cereal and put the box and milk away, and then sat at the table, eating quickly. I had class in twenty minutes, and couldn't afford to be late. As soon as I finished eating, I ran to get my messenger bag, and, after checking to see if I had everything I needed for today, took off for class.

I arrived at my art class with 5 minutes to spare, and then Joshua walked in with 1 minute before Mr. H walked in to start the class. Oh great, I forgot we had the same classes together. Just perfect. Damn prick.

"All right, guys, pull out your sketchbooks and get drawing. Today's a free day, seeing as it's a Friday," he announced, and I fished my sketchbook out from my messenger bag, flipping it to a drawing I had started working on the other day. It was of a dragon, a detailed one at that, with angelic wings that were elegantly feathered, as well as some delicate feathers on the tail tip.

I finished the details on the head, adding a pair of long, slender horns that sleeked back along the head, and drawing in the eyes, making the pupils fang-shaped. I added some spines along the back of the bottom jaw, and then decided it was good and began to draw in the dark lines.

Mr. H told us we could go right after I finished the dark lines, so I began to pack up. I felt someone's stare on me as I put my stuff away, and when I looked to see who it was, I realized it was Joshua.

"What do you want?" I asked, and he smirked.

"Nice dragon," he complimented. "Needs color, though."

"I know that, dumbass, I'll work on it on Monday!" I snapped irritably, and the stormed out of the classroom, the silver-haired fucker following me to our next class.

Next was creative writing with Ms. Konishi, and she had an essay for us to all work on. I sighed, but pulled out my laptop anyway and my flash drive, and then signed in and plugged the flash drive into the correct slot. I started my work, opening a Word document and beginning to write. The theme of the essay was to try and prove something existed. I, obviously, chose dragons.

_Although many people believe the stories about dragons are mythological and therefore false, many cultures in today's society have truthful stories about the existence of dragons. Dragons are real in many cultures, especially in third world countries that have stories about them. The stories mainly originate in Europe and Asia, while there are some in—_

"Neku, what should I write about?" Joshua's whiney voice sounded through my headphones, and I jumped, startled, when I realized he was **right next to me.**

"How the hell should I know? Or better yet, why the fuck should I care?" I grumbled, turning up my music to drown him out. Suddenly, my headphones were yanked from my head, and being taken from me by the dick-wad. "Hey! Give me back my headphones!" I snarled, trying to grab them from Joshua, but to no avail.

"Only if you give me a topic for my paper," he giggled, keeping my headphones away from me.

"Fuck…" I growled, and then thought of the perfect topic for the prissy bastard. "How about unicorns for you?"

"Hmm…" Joshua hummed in thought, and while his guard was down, I snatched my headphones away from him, slapping them over my ears and glaring icily at the silver-haired ass. He merely giggled again before going to write in his notebook. Seems he approved of my suggested topic. Good, now he'll leave me alone.

I continued writing until Ms. Konishi dismissed the class, and then I left for the dorm for lunch, seeing as it was almost noon already. I made myself just a sandwich, and ate that before heading back for calculus.

I dashed into the class about 5 minutes before Mr. Minamimoto arrived, taking my usual seat, where Joshua was already sitting next to. I gritted my teeth in frustration; when would this moron take a hint and just leave me the hell alone?! Oh right, he probably wouldn't seeing as we're now roommates, and he's got all of my classes. Grumbling under my breath, I sat in my seat by Joshua, causing him to smirk at me.

"What's the matter, Nekky? Can't get enough of me?" he giggled, and I socked him in the arm, making him yelp again.

As he rubbed his sore arm, I growled, "What did I tell you before about calling me that? And yes, I've gotten plenty of you in less than 5 minutes, so shut the fuck up."

Joshua rubbed his arm some more before smirking at me again. "Aww, does little Nek—" I glared at him as I raised my fist again. "Neku want me that bad?" he mocked, correcting himself quickly, but I just turned my music on and tuned out the dumbass. Rolling my eyes, I wrote the notes that were cramped on the board, and then we were allowed to leave.

I made my way back to my dorm with that stupid silver-haired priss following me the whole way, seeing as neither of us had anything better to do. I was so fucking pissed at him that I needed to vent. Once the door locked to the dorm, I stalked off to my room, slamming it shut and locking it without a word to Joshua.

Pulling out my razor blade from under my mattress and slid my one wristband off, carefully slicing into the already marred skin there. I was careful not to go too deep, and when the blade bit into my skin, I let out a small hiss of relief. I hadn't had to cut in a while, but I had the feeling that Joshua's being here would cause me to do this more often. Once I felt calmer, I went to my medical kit that I kept in my room and began to bandage up the cut. After I finished the bandaging, I pulled my wristband back on, covering the bandage perfectly.

I sat on my bed, sighing; why did this have to be so hard? I hated being like this, but I couldn't help it. This was the only way I could cope with my parents being dead, plus all of the other bullshit that goes on in my life, like Joshua. People had tried to give me advice on how to quit before, but I couldn't do it.

Suddenly, there was a knock on my door. "Neku?" Joshua called through it.

"Shit!" I hissed under my breath, quickly hiding my razor and medical kit where they originally were. Once they were back where they belonged, I replied, "What?"

"Can we talk?" he asked softly.

"No, I don't want to talk to you, asshole!" I yelled through the locked door. He sighed heavily, and as I heard his footsteps leave, I felt this odd pang go through me. It almost felt like…regret? Pffft, whatever. Why on earth I would regret doing anything to that ass, I have no clue.

I went to sleep that night not bothering to eat, seeing as I wasn't hungry. As I went to sleep, I thought about the weekend, and pondered what I could do. I didn't have any friends to hang out with, no hobbies other than drawing or video games, no new games to play, etc. _I guess I'll just work on my creative writing essay this weekend,_ I thought as I fell asleep.

A/N: What do you guys think? Did I do good? I certainly hope so! I did my best to write from Neku's POV, and I think I did at least an okay job. Let me know what you think, okay guys? R&R, peeps!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Awesome, chapter 2! Can't wait to find out what happens, eh? Then read the story already! Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.

My Secret

Chapter 2

The sun woke me up the next morning, shining brightly in my eyes through the blind slats. Groaning, I slowly sat up in my bed and stretched, feeling my back click in a couple of places. I got out of bed, my whole body protesting to the movement, and went to the blinds, opening them and blinking furiously as the morning light shone in my eyes.

I got dressed in my usual attire and walked out to the kitchen, unlocking my door before leaving my room. When I got out to the kitchen, though, Joshua was already waiting there at the table, eating some cereal himself. Ignoring the silverette, I got my own cereal and sat down in the armchair in the living room to eat.

"Neku?" Joshua called to me after we were both finished. I sighed audibly.

"What?" I asked, annoyed.

"Can we please talk?" he asked, and I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers.

"You're not going to leave me alone until we do, huh?" I guessed, and he nodded, causing me to sigh again. "All right, fine. What do you want?"

Joshua sat near me on the couch and began to speak. "I want to apologize for yesterday. You obviously didn't appreciate what I was doing, and I should have stopped when I realized it. I just like messing with others, is all."

"So, what? Are you messing with me now?" I asked coldly. Joshua looked taken aback, his violet eyes widening in shock, before he quickly shook his head.

"No, no, I really do want to apologize to you," he insisted. "What I mean is that I sometimes enjoy teasing people."

"Of course you do," I muttered.

"I'm trying to be serious here, Neku!" he huffed. I rolled my eyes, but he continued on. "Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and I'd like to make it up to you."

"How on earth could you make it up to me?" I grumbled. "You hardly know me."

"Well, I was thinking some lunch at Ramen Don could help, and we could get to know each other better like that?" he suggested, looking hopeful. I was torn; I wanted some good food for once, but I also didn't want to be with the pervert. I hadn't had good quality ramen in a while…

"Fine, I'll go," I muttered, but before he could respond, I quickly added, "Just don't try anything funny!"

"Wouldn't dream of it," he giggled, and left to go get dressed, seeing as he was still in a pajama shirt and bottoms. I glanced at the clock; already it was 10 in the morning. I was surprised he wasn't dressed beforehand. About 8 minutes later, he came out of his room, dressed in dark, flared jeans and a pale blue shirt. I stretched again, and felt my shoulders pop a bit.

"Ready?" I asked, sounding bored.

"Oh, Neku, don't be so eager to leave! We still have at least an hour or so until the shop opens," he told me, and I sighed loudly.

"What am I supposed to do until then?" I wondered, then it hit me; I can work on my dragon picture until we leave.

I went to my room and grabbed my sketchbook and colored pencil pouch, and then went back out to the living room and sat in the armchair, slapped on my headphones and began to color in the picture. Before coloring, though, I decided to add a halo to its head. I carefully drew it as though it was hanging off from one of the horns.

Once finished with that little detail, I pulled out gold, silver, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, and black colored pencils. I used the black for the pupil, the gold for the halo, and silver for the body, while I colored in the wings with the colors of the rainbow, and then making them look like they shimmered by brushing over the wings with the silver. I even colored the feathers on the tip of the tail with the rainbow colors, too.

I leaned back in the chair when I was done, sighing, but then I jumped and yelped when I saw Joshua perched on the back of the chair, watching me. I glared at him, but he merely giggled in response.

"What the hell, Joshua?!" I snapped.

"I just simply watching you draw in the final details on this lovely picture, Neku," he replied, giggling again. "Besides, we can go now. The Ramen Don is open."

"Finally," I grumbled, flipping my sketchbook shut and going to my room to put it away. I walked out from my room and joined Joshua, slipping my shoes on as I went to the door. Joshua followed me out, and I locked the door behind us. Before I could head off without knowing where I was going, though, I paused and looked at Joshua. "Where exactly is it, anyway?" I asked.

"Really, Neku?" he looked surprised. "How can you not know where Ramen Don is?"

"Never been there," I muttered. Joshua shook his head in disbelief.

"Neku, Neku, Neku. You really need to broaden your horizons," he chided, and I glared at him icily. "Fine, fine. I'll lead the way." And so he did, leading me to this Ramen Don place. I mentally mapped the route there, just in case I went back to the dorm alone.

It was a small shop, almost like a Mom-and-Pop type of place, but the scent inside was amazing. I took a deep whiff of the wonderful odor when we stepped inside, exhaling softly. Joshua chuckled next to me.

"Been a while, Neku?" he teased.

"You have no idea," I muttered, going to the counter after him. He gave his order to the man behind the counter, and then gave me a pointed look. "Look, I'll pay for my own, Joshua…" I started to say, but he held up a hand to stop me.

"I offered, so I'll pay for both of us," he insisted, and I shrugged, asking for some Tonkotsu ramen. The man nodded and went to make our orders after Joshua paid, so we sat down in a booth, sitting across from each other. An awkward silence I never thought would occur between me and anyone else followed, and then our order was ready.

Joshua got out of his seat and picked up our order, bringing it back and setting it down on the table. We ate in peace for a while, until Joshua started to ask me questions.

"So, Neku, what's your major right now in college?" he asked.

"Art," I muttered, resuming eating. Or at least, I tried to, but Joshua kept at the questions.

"Have you always lived in Shibuya?"

"Shibuya born and raised."

"Are you gay, straight, or bi?" he smirked, and I spluttered indignantly at the question, almost choking on my ramen. Once I recovered from my coughing fit, I fixed him with an icy stare.

"Why the hell should I answer that?" I demanded. "I've never gotten along with anyone to even think like that, so don't ask!"

"All right, already. Calm down, it was just a question," he giggled, and then he asked it. "What about your parents? What are they like?"

I stiffened immediately, shocked and horrified by the question. I didn't want to answer; I couldn't.

"Neku?" Joshua asked, a worried tone to his voice. He had noticed, and now he would start asking all of the other questions that came with it when he figured out that my parents are dead.

"I…I gotta go," I said, standing up suddenly and bolting out of the shop.

"Neku, wait!" he yelled after me, but I was already at a full-blown sprint back to the dorm. I slammed the door to my room, tears streaming down my face as I threw myself onto my bed, burying my face in the pillow.

_How could he have possibly asked me that? Does he know? If so, how could he know?_ All those thoughts ran through my head as I sobbed into my pillow.

I sat up, fished out the razor blade from under my mattress, pulled off my wristband and the bandage from yesterday, and let the blade bite into my skin. A choked sob fell from my lips as I felt it dig in, trying to get rid of the pain. Suddenly, I heard someone speak. A too-familiar voice that sounded in shock.

"Neku?!"

Joshua.

A/N: Okay, sorry this chapter's short, but I couldn't think of anything else to add, I swear! So, Joshua's discovered Neku's secret…What will he think?! Find out when I post next time, hopefully tonight or tomorrow~ R&R, peeps!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: WHEEEE, Chapter 3! Now, let's see what Joshua has to say about Neku's cutting, hmmm?! Warning, there is a small lime towards the end in italics. Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.

My Secret

Chapter 3

"_Neku?!"_

_Joshua._

I stared at him, and he stared back at me, looking horrified. Or more precisely, he stared at my wrist, which was dripping with blood. I realized then that I had forgotten to lock my bedroom door when I got back.

"Neku, what the hell are you doing?!" he demanded, rushing over to me, but I flinched away. I'd had too many people yell at me and hit me in the past over my cutting, and I wasn't about to forget it now. "Neku…?" Joshua said, seeming confused.

"Don't…don't come near me, please," I whispered, tears streaming down my face again. I felt weak and vulnerable right then, more than I ever had before.

"Neku, I'm only trying to help," Joshua murmured to me, looking worried as hell. Shit, I was worried about myself, too.

He slowly approached me, and for some reason, I didn't back away. He gently grabbed my wrist that was holding the razor, making me drop it, and I let out a choked sob again. Burying my face in his chest, I cried again, unable to control myself. Joshua cautiously wrapped his arms around me, which made me cry harder.

I'd needed comfort for so long, I didn't even realize it. I had secluded myself for far too long, and now I was paying the price. Joshua gently hugged me and sat on the bed with me, slowly rocking me in a comforting gesture.

Eventually, I cried until I quieted down, feeling drained. I lifted my head from Joshua's chest, and glanced him before muttering, "Sorry…"

"It's okay, Neku," he assured me quietly. "I'm sorry for upsetting you so badly." And then he did something that shocked the hell out of me: he kissed me on the lips, just a light brush of his on mine. My eyes widened and I froze, shocked into silence. He quickly pulled back, blushing a very light tinge of pink. "Let's…get your wrist cleaned up and bandaged, okay?" I nodded slowly.

As Joshua cleaned my wrist in the bathroom and bandaged it again, I thought about that kiss. It felt…strange, but…good. I had never been kissed before, and that was my first. The silverette finished bandaging my wrist and then stood, pulling me up with him gently. He brought me out into the living room, where he sat me on the couch next to him.

"Neku, I'm only going to say this once, okay? I'm sticking with you from now on," he said sternly. I opened my mouth to protest, but he placed a finger on my lips, silencing me. "I don't want you cutting anymore. I won't tell anyone, but promise me you won't. And even if you do, I'm still staying close to you to make sure you don't."

"I'm not suicidal, Joshua," I snapped, rolling my eyes. "It's merely for stress relief. But fine, I promise I won't anymore."

"Thank you," he said, and got up. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was already 6:15 in the evening. "I'm gonna make some ramen I brought with me. Want some?"

"Um…sure," I said, feeling weird about him now. It was obvious he cared for me, but I swear, it was like 2 different people in one at times. There was prissy Joshua, and then there was caring Joshua. I couldn't tell which one came out at what time, so I was thoroughly confused.

He nodded and smiled, and then set about making the ramen. As he went about the kitchen, cooking, I thought about that kiss again. Was it just a friendly kiss? Or does he really like me? Do friends even kiss without being in a relationship? Wait, were we even friends? Gah, my head hurts now.

I got up and went to my room to get some Advil. Joshua looked like he was about to follow me until I told him what I was doing. Rolling my eyes, I continued to the precious painkillers, and took three with some water. I felt the relief hit me about 10 minutes later. Joshua brought over a bowl of the ramen 3 minutes after the pain killers kicked in, and handed it to me, sitting down next to me on the couch.

"So, why were you so upset earlier, Neku?" he asked cautiously. I stiffened again in mid bite of my ramen, and stared at the floor as if it were most interesting thing in the world. "Neku…?"

"I…was upset…because…of my parents…" I whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"They're dead," I choked out, feeling tears in the corners of my eyes. I noticed Joshua's eyes widen in my peripheral vision.

"I'm so sorry, Neku…" he whispered, setting his bowl aside and coming over to hug me again. He placed my bowl on the coffee table in front of us as he wrapped his arms around me comfortingly. "I won't ask how it happened, okay?"

"They both committed suicide," I breathed. Joshua's grip on me tightened, and I wondered to myself, _Why am I telling someone I just met 2 days ago all of this?_

"You don't need to tell me this, Neku," the silverette insisted. "If you're not ready, then don't tell me, okay?"

"I need to tell someone besides a fucking psychiatrist for once, Josh," I growled, and then took a deep, shuddering breath. "Mom committed suicide on accident when I was 17, because she was a cutter, too. Dad couldn't cope, so he killed himself when I was 18. He shot himself in the head."

"Oh my god, Neku…" Joshua breathed in horror. "How on earth did you for the past 3 years?"

"I tried therapy, that didn't help, and then I started cutting. Everyone who found out yelled at me or hit me for it when they found out," I mumbled. "That's why I was so scared when you caught me earlier…I didn't want to be yelled at or hit again…"

"Neku, I would never do that," he promised. "I'm not like that."

"How was I supposed to know?" I whimpered, tears flowing freely down my face, but then I became angry. "I can't read minds, Joshua," I snapped in a passive-aggressive tone. I stood up suddenly, and stormed off to my room, slamming the door again and making sure to lock it this time.

"Neku! Neku, open the door, please!" Joshua begged, banging his fist against the door.

"NO! GO AWAY, JOSHUA! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE!" I screamed back, searching for my razor blade, but then I realized Joshua must have taken it earlier.

"Neku, please! I just want to help!" he persistently cried out through the door.

"NO! FUCK OFF! I HATE YOU!" I all but shrieked back. I heard a small gasp, and then shuffling footsteps away from the door. I was sure he was gone by now, but I refused to leave until morning, and even then only to get water and use the bathroom.

I slept fitfully that night, suffering from a nightmare about my parents' deaths, and for some odd reason, Joshua was in it as well. I woke with a gasp, barely remembering the dream, but feeling gross from the cold sweat I was suffering from. I looked at the alarm clock next to my bed; 8:13 in the morning, yuck.

Grabbing some fresh clothes, I was about to sneak out to the bathroom to shower, but when I opened the door, I was shocked to see Joshua leaning against my door. Or at least, he _was_, until I opened the door, causing him to fall back and hit the floor, hard.

"Ow!" he yelped, rubbing his head as he sat up, then he realized I was standing behind him. "Neku!" he cried out, jumping to his feet suddenly. I ignored him, pushing past him and going to the bathroom for a shower. He tried to follow me in until I stopped him with a death-glare.

"Out," I stated coldly, and he backed out. I washed myself off in the shower, feeling a bit better after a good cleaning, but I was still confused as hell about Joshua. I didn't know what to feel about him. We'd only known each other for 3 fucking days, for fuck's sake! I can't possibly fall for him! Gah, I'm so damn confused…

Stalking out from the bathroom, I didn't see Joshua, so I slipped back into my room, and checked my phone for the time. Turns out I had a message, but from who? I hardly gave out my number. I clicked on the "open message" button on my phone, and realized it was from Joshua.

It read:

Neku, I'm sorry about last night and this morning. I figured you needed a friend, and I tried to be your friend, but it didn't work out, I guess. Let me know if you want me to move out.

Joshua

Growling, I snapped my phone shut, unsure of what I wanted right then. I decided to get more sleep, and hopefully this would all make more sense when I next woke up.

X*X(Neku's Dream)X*X

"_M-more, Josh, please!" I all but begged him, and he thrust into me again, harder this time, causing me to moan loudly._

"_Mmm, Neku, I want to hear you scream," Joshua purred, and thrust into me again, even harder, and hit my prostate, making me scream as he wished. I panted and moaned as he kept up the rhythm, pounding me into the mattress, making the entire bed shake from our love-making._

"_A-ah, J-Joshua, I…I'm gonna cum!" I cried out, and I was almost there! Stars clouded my vision right as—_

X*X(End Of Dream)X*X

"Argh!" I sat up quickly in bed, and immediately regretted it. Feeling the sticky mess between my legs and on my sheets, I snarled, "Oh, you have GOT to be fucking kidding me. Are you serious?! A fucking wet dream?!"

_FUUUCK!_ Could things get any worse?! Growling under my breath, I got out of bed, avoiding the mess on the sheets, and ran off with clean boxers and cargo pants to shower again. Once I finished, I quickly ran to my room to peel the sheets off the bed and wash them before Joshua came back from wherever he went to.

As the washing machine clunked to life while washing my sheets, I sat on the floor of the laundry room and rested my forehead against my knees. What was I gonna do?

A/N: Whoopee! Another chapter, finally completed! I almost didn't put the wet dream scene in, but I decided to for some extra length on this. I hope you guys liked this chapter! R&R, peeps!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Geez, I can't believe this is coming along so well! Poor Neku, he needs Joshua. Well, we'll see what happens in this chapter, eh? Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.

My Secret

Chapter 4

I was alerted to Joshua's return home when I heard the front door unlock from my room. As soon as the click sounded, I stiffened; I didn't want to face Joshua ever again, but I knew it was unavoidable. And he proved that, too, when he came and knocked on my bedroom door. Fortunately, I had finished washing and drying my sheets from that fucking wet dream earlier, so I was in my room with the door locked again.

"Neku?" he called through the door, sounding sad.

"What," I muttered, and he heard me.

"I just want to talk, Neku," he pleaded quietly.

"What about?" I growled, starting to become hostile again.

"You know what."

"Why should I?"

"Because I wanna help you."

"No one ever has before, why would you start now?"

"Because I care."

"Same as before, no one has ever cared before, why would you care now?"

"Because…"

"See, you're out of reasons. Just leave me alone, Joshua. I don't deserve anyone's fucking pity."

"I'm not trying to pity you, Neku! I'm trying to help you, as a friend."

"…"

"Neku? You still with me?"

"No."

"Neku, just tell me what you're thinking!" That did it. I heaved myself off my bed and stalked over to my door, ripping it open after unlocking it, and glared heavily at him.

"You wanna know what I'm thinking?!" I screamed at him. He stared at me, wide-eyed and shocked into silence. "Well, I'm confused as hell about you, Joshua! You act like an asshole two days ago, and now you're suddenly caring?! I don't think so! It never works that way, never has, never will! What makes you think that you can help me, huh?!"

I took a deep breath, and continued before he could reply. "I'm so fucking confused about you right now, Josh! For fuck's sake, you're fucking invading my dreams! I don't know what to do!" He was frozen on the spot, stunned by what I had just said. As I stood in front of him, breathing heavily, he somehow managed to reply.

"What do you mean that you're confused about me?" he whispered. I was beyond pissed now.

"Here's what I mean," I hissed, and slammed him against the wall and kissed him roughly. Oh yeah, I was fucking pissed. _Royally_ pissed, at that. I forced my tongue against his lips, forcing my way in, and swept my tongue through his mouth, making him gasp. When I pulled away, I was still glaring at him, but now I was breathless. Once I recovered, I felt drained.

"Now do you see what I mean?" I whispered, feeing broken. Joshua was still stunned into silence, and as I felt the tears of rejection coming on, I shuffled back into my room, about to close the door, when Joshua stuck his foot in the way. I gazed up at him sadly. "What?"

"Neku, you didn't give me a chance," he murmured. "I was just surprised by what you said and did. Trust me, I've been attracted to you since we met."

"What, three days ago?" I scoffed weakly.

"Yes, but it still feels like forever to me," he admitted. I stared at him, surprised, and then he kissed me gently on the lips. I froze, shocked, as he tried to get a response out of me, but then he pulled back before I could respond.

"You…you've liked me since we met?" I asked hesitantly, afraid to get my heart broken. Joshua nodded.

"Yes, Neku. I'm in love with you, and I know you feel the same way," he replied, smiling softly. He gently kissed me again, and then led me to the bed. "I do love you, Neku. I promise."

"I've…never loved anyone before, though," I admitted almost silently. My next words were harsh. "How can you love me, when you hardly know me, and I'm a fucking cutter?"

"Because I know you love me," he answered. "And besides, does it really matter? I'm going to help you, Neku, no matter what." He hugged me, and I returned the embrace, welcoming it.

"Thank you," I whispered, holding him tight. Eventually, night fell, and we remained holding each other until Josh heard my stomach growl.

"That's right, you haven't eaten since yesterday, huh?" he giggled. I nodded tiredly, and he began to leave, but stopped when I tightened my grip on him.

"Don't leave me," I breathed. Josh chuckled a bit and helped me off from the bed.

"I won't leave you, dear, but I need to make you something to eat," he assured me. He led me to the kitchen, where I was sat at the table, and he went about the kitchen, heating up our ramen from last night. Once it was ready, he sat next to me, and we held hands under the table as we ate.

After eating, Joshua took me to my room, where he got me ready for bed, and then laid me down on the bed. He began to leave, until I grabbed his wrist.

"Sleep with me, please?" I asked quietly.

"Of course, Neku," Josh agreed, and he stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed with me. He wrapped his arms around my waist before falling asleep, whispering, "I love you, Neku."

"Love you, too, Josh," I mumbled back, my cheeks burning slightly. I fell asleep that night feeling at peace for once.

X*X*X*X

The next morning, I blearily blinked my eyes open to find Joshua still holding me in his sleep. I yawned, stretching carefully in his grip so as not to wake him, but his eyes fluttered open anyway, revealing those violet orbs.

"Mmm, good morning, Neku," he sighed happily, letting go of me to stretch.

"Morning, Josh," I murmured, hugging him. He kissed me on the cheek before sweeping his hand through my spiky hair and crawling out of bed.

"Let's get some breakfast, shall we?" he asked. I nodded, thankful it was Sunday. I followed him out of my room to the kitchen, still dressed in my boxer shorts and a t-shirt, where he proceeded to make pancakes. As he cooked, I looked at him, wondering how this had actually worked out.

"You okay, Neku?" Joshua's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I smiled slightly at him and nodded.

"Yeah, just wondering how it is that this all worked out," I sighed.

"Well, just be glad it did, 'cause I certainly am," he said, smiling.

"So…does this mean we're boyfriends?" I asked timidly.

"Only if you want it to," he answered with a giggle. I grinned at my new boyfriend, happy as can be, it felt like. Josh finished making breakfast and brought over two plates with three pancakes on each one, and then fetched a bottle of syrup once the plates were on the table.

"Thanks, Josh," I murmured, and he smiled softly at me in return.

"It's nothing, Neku," he replied.

"No, I mean for loving me," I mumbled, flushing a light pink.

"Well, in that case…" he said, then reached over and kissed me on the lips. I relaxed immediately into the kiss, but soon he had to break it so we could breathe. When I opened my eyes, he was smirking at me. "Let's eat before our breakfast gets cold."

I nodded, feeling almost numb, but not quite. As we ate our breakfast, I thought to myself, _This turned out so much better than I ever would have thought it could have, and I'm grateful for it._

A/N: Yush, chapter complete! Sorry it's another short one, but I plan on writing the yaoi next chapter! I hope that makes you guys look forward to the next one! Also, Chapter 5 will be the last one, just so you know. Sorry, guys! R&R, peeps!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Final chapter! This is the yaoi part, though, so hopefully that makes up for it! I'm so excited, I can't hide it! Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.

My Secret

Chapter 5

X*X(4 Months Later, During Summer Break)X*X

Joshua and I had been dating for four months now, and I was happier than I had ever been. We had gone to his parent's summer home for a few weeks once the summer break started, and I had enjoyed myself quite a lot. Since Mr. and Mrs. Kiryu hadn't been there while we were, we had had an amazing time. No sex, mind you, 'cause I hadn't been ready, but I felt ready now.

While at the summer home, Joshua had taken me out to the beach there, and we swam for hours, just having fun. We even went snorkeling, which was amazing. Seeing all of the undersea life was cool, and we even saw some dolphins.

I had also stopped cutting, and I hadn't been since that fateful night when Joshua had caught me doing so. He had held my hand through the hard times, and even stayed during the worst times. He's been so devoted to me, and I could never thank him enough.

Now that we were back in the dorms for the summer, we still had a couple of months of break until we had to return for the next year. I glanced at the clock; 3:52. Josh would be home soon! He had gotten this small job with a magazine, just being a writer for some of the articles in it. The bad part was that he was gone most of the day sometimes.

As soon as I heard the lock click from the front door, I jumped up and ran to greet my boyfriend. He came in, shutting the door behind him and locking it, and then turned to me as I hugged him tightly.

"Someone's been lonely," he giggled. I just hugged him tighter, taking in his warm scent. He kissed my forehead as he hugged me back.

"Yeah, but not anymore now that you're home," I murmured, raising my head to kiss him. He kissed me back, surprised, but still happy. When I pulled away, he walked us into his bedroom and sat down on the bed, pulling me onto his lap. We shared several kisses before I finally said what was on my mind.

"Hey Josh?" I began. He hummed in acknowledgement while kissing my neck. "I'm ready." He froze, and then pulled away from my neck to look at me.

"Are you sure, Neku?" he asked, seeming concerned.

"Josh, we've been dating for four months, and I know I'm ready," I told him honestly. After a moment of this registering in his head, he kissed me passionately, forcing me to lie down on the bed, the back of my head hitting the pillow. Our tongues entwined and swirled together sensually, and I could feel myself getting hard already.

"I love you, Neku," he whispered as he pulled away, starting to kiss and suckle along my neck, leaving a few hickeys behind. I tilted my head to give him better access, moaning quietly as he took advantage of it.

"I love you, too, Josh," I breathed, my breath hitching at the feel of him reaching a hand up my shirt and rubbing at my sides. He slowly pulled my shirt off, breaking the kiss we were sharing at the moment so he could pull it over my head. When he started to unbutton his own shirt agonizingly slow, though, I quickly took over, swiftly unbuttoning his shirt and tossing it aside before kissing him.

"Impatient, aren't we?" he giggled when we broke apart for air again. I glared playfully at him.

"Only because you were being a tease," I muttered, going to take his pants off. He giggled again and reached for my own pants, removing them when I pulled his down. Josh squirmed out of his jeans, pulling my cargos down at the same time, and then he went for my boxers. I quickly pulled his down as well, and once our naked bodies came into contact, I moaned, loudly.

"Ooohhh, Nekky," Joshua purred when he got me exposed. I glared half-heartedly at my boyfriend.

"Oh, like you're much bigger," I snapped, but I was, to say the least, pleasantly surprised to see that Josh was better endowed than me. Shit, that's going in me? I hope he doesn't fucking tear me…

My thoughts were interrupted when he kissed me madly again, causing me to moan again through the kiss.

"Ugh, Neku, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for this," Josh groaned as he pulled away. He began to dig through his bedside table for something, and when he pulled it out, I realized it was a little container of lube. He slathered some on his fingers and then stuck one inside of me.

"Holy shit!" I yelped, squirming from the weird feeling.

"Neku, you need to relax, or else it's going to hurt," Joshua told me, and I tried to relax. It helped when he began to kiss along my neck again, and the kisses helped to distract me from the weird sensation of having a slick finger inside my ass.

He stretched me out a bit before slipping in a second finger, which he used to make a scissoring motion inside of me, making me cry out from the pain. Tears began to form in the corners of my eyes, and I whimpered a bit as he added the third, spreading me wide.

When he finally removed his fingers, deeming me prepared, I whimpered again at the empty feeling. Suddenly, I felt his cock against me as he positioned himself.

"Ready, Neku?" he asked softly, kissing my chest.

"Yeah, as ready as I'll ever be," I murmured, and he began to push himself inside me. I gritted my teeth and hissed at the pressure. Holy shit, Josh was bigger than I had first thought! When he was fully in, he stopped, allowing me to adjust.

"You okay, Neku?" he asked, concern lacing his tone.

"Y-yeah, just move," I answered, squirming a bit against him. He kissed me again as he began to slowly pull out and thrust back in, starting to get into a rhythm. "Faster, Josh!" I begged, and he complied, thrusting faster into me.

All of a sudden, he hit my prostate, making me scream in pleasure and clouding my vision with stars. "Oh my god, Josh, right there!"

"Mmmm, Neku, you're so tight," he purred as he continued to thrust into me, biting my neck. I knew that would leave a hickey later…

Soon enough, I could see my end coming as my climax approached, and I moaned loudly. "J-Josh, I…I'm gonna—"

He covered my mouth with his, swallowing my moan as I came. He, too, came soon after, with a loud moan falling from his lips as well. He fell on top of me, breathing heavily, and then pulled out after he had caught his breath. He held me close, kissing my forehead as I buried my face in his chest.

"You okay, Neku?" he asked quietly, and I sighed happily.

"Yeah, that was amazing," I told him, and he raised my head to kiss me passionately again.

"I'm glad you enjoyed that," he purred, and then added, "Now get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise."

"All right…I love you," I yawned.

"Love you, too, dear," he giggled, sounding sleepy himself. And we fell asleep like that, nestled in each other's arms.

A/N: The end! Well? Did you guys like it? I certainly hope so, seeing as I finished this series in just two damn days! I hope the small wait was worth the lemon! This is actually my first lemon that I've ever written, guys, so please be nice when you review! Thanks! R&R, peeps!


End file.
